


Deal.

by orphan_account



Series: The One Where Fili and Kili Need a Little Help From Their Friends [1]
Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Not Related, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-09
Updated: 2015-09-09
Packaged: 2018-04-19 21:51:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4762343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fili is sick of everyone making fun of him for being a virgin, so he calls an escort agency; they send over someone named Kili, and when Fili sees the guy is practically dead on his feet, he suggests they maybe don't have sex and just stay up talking instead.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Deal.

**Author's Note:**

> A fill for the [summer fandom raffle exchange!](http://gatheringfiki.tumblr.com/post/127826595685/summer-fandom-raffle-exchange-prompts-masterlist) Prompt #25, "I’m sick of everyone making fun of me for still being a virgin so I called an escort agency, but you look so exhausted so perhaps we could just talk instead?"

Fili was really, _really_ tired of everyone making fun of him for being a virgin. He hadn’t even meant to tell Bofur about it to begin with; they had been drinking heavily one Saturday night after Bofur had a really, spectacularly bad date. Fili meant to cheer him up, and was too drunk to think about why what he was about to say was a bad idea, and so just rolled his head on the back of the couch to look at Bofur and said, “If it makes you feel any better, I’ve not gotten laid like. Ever.”

Bofur snorted. “I’m sure your dry spell has been a few days, pretty boy, no need to exaggerate. ‘Preciate the sentiment, though.”

“No, I mean it, Bofur. Like, ever _ever_.”

“You’re still a virgin?”

Fili nods slowly, head a little too foggy to be too enthusiastic. “Embarrassing, right? Still, if it makes you feel better…”

Yeah. In hindsight, not his brightest moment. He might only have hazy memories of the night’s events, but he should’ve known better than to hope Bofur might forget that little tidbit, and he _definitely_ should’ve known better than to think that information would remain a secret. Bofur had of course told Nori, who’d told Dori and Ori, who’d told Dwalin, and suddenly Fili was getting people randomly approaching him at work giving him their numbers.

At first, he doesn’t see any connection between these occurrences and what he’d told Bofur; people gave him their numbers all the time, he just never did anything with them. It isn’t until Dwalin makes a comment about the numbers that he has a sinking feeling he’d brought all of this onto himself the other night... 

Instead of overreacting, Fili just grunts noncommittally, hoping Dwalin would drop it; he sighs in relief when he does, and Fili pulls out his phone to text Bofur. _Did you tell Dwalin what I told you the other night?_ was all he typed.

Bofur texts him back almost immediately; _Dwalin? No, but I did tell Nori…_

Fili groans at that and Dwalin turns to him, an all too knowing look on his face. “Nori told Dori and Ori, didn’t he? And Ori told you?” he asks, his voice reaching an embarrassing whining pitch.

Dwalin lets out a laugh and nods. “Aye, he told them and they told me. I don’t think it’s such a big deal, but you’ve got a lot of teasin’ heading your way when you see the lads later.”

“Wonderful,” Fili says. “Just wonderful.”

Fili puts up with the ribbing for a good few weeks before it’s driven him completely insane, and finally, one night, he pulls out a card Bifur had slipped him and calls an escort agency. Unsure of what he’s supposed to do, Fili stumbles through the screening questions, somehow able to choke out that he is male, would like a male escort, and no, he doesn’t have a preference for hair color. He’s told his “date” will be there in no more than twenty minutes, which is good, because it’s not enough time for him to panic and cancel.

Less than fifteen minutes later, there’s a knock at his door. He opens it and finds himself at a loss for words when he sees the guy standing there; he’s got long black hair pulled into a messy ponytail, a few loose curls at his temples, and he’s wearing impossibly skinny black jeans and a rumpled blue button-down. “You must be Fili,” he drawls. “I’m Kili. Y’gonna let me in?”

Fili clamps his mouth shut and nods, stepping aside to let Kili in. “So, is that your real name, or do you use an alias?” he asks before blanching. “Sorry. Sorry, I didn’t mean...I don’t…”

Kili plops down onto Fili’s couch and stretches out, an easy smile on his face. “You’re new at this, aren’t you? Tell you what, let’s do a bit of a Q&A before we get into anything else if it’ll make you comfortable.” He pats the empty space next to him and grins at Fili. “I promise, I only bite if you ask me to.”

Fili lets out a breath and sits down, curling a leg under himself as he turns to face Kili. “Okay, so the name then. Real or alias?”

“Real. Yours?”

Fili laughs. “Real. Uh, how often do you do this kind of thing? Is this like, your constant profession, or…?”

Kili gasps mockingly. “Ouch, right to the tough stuff, eh? Originally this was gonna be a supplemental thing, y’know, student loans and all that. But then the money was really good, and I get to be really picky about people, and we don’t take anyone who can’t prove they’re totally clean so there’s not much to complain about. So it’s sort of become a regular thing. Usually it’s about 5 nights a week, but given that it’s so close to the holidays, I haven’t had a day off in...oh, six weeks.”

Fili takes a long look at Kili, who is sprawled comfortably next to him, feet up on the coffee table and hands tucked behind his head. He’s got his eyes closed, and his breath is coming out in soft puffs. Fili feels a twinge of guilt, and realizes Kili must be exhausted, and decides to change the plans.

“Listen,” he says, grinning a little when Kili’s eyes open and focus on him. “I’m gonna be totally honest. I only called the service because my friends found out I’m still a virgin and won’t stop giving me shit --” 

Kili sits up for the first time all night. “Hold on, they didn’t tell me this. You’re a virgin? You?” His eyes rake over Fili and he lets out a whistle. “I don’t know that I buy it, you looking the way you do, but sure, okay. Your friends found out you’re still a virgin. I’m sensing there’s a ‘but’ coming soon?”

“ _But_ ,” Fili says with emphasis, “you look like you’re dead on your feet. I’m still going to pay you for your time, but maybe we could just...sit and talk instead? Or, fuck, you can just take a nap if you need to catch some sleep.”

Kili gives Fili a searching look, as though he’s trying to detect a lie or some sort of trick. “Yeah, okay, we can just sit and talk. It’s not unheard of. But, I gotta tell you, if I wind up liking you as much as I think I will, I might not take your money.”

Fili grins, and nods. “Deal.” They stay up past sunrise talking about anything and everything; Fili talks about his family and the expectations they have for him, while Kili talks about his student loan debt and his dreams of becoming an artist even though his degree is in psychology. They only stop when Kili lets out a particularly loud, long yawn, and Fili gives him an apologetic look. “The offer still stands if you wanna crash here, y’know,” he says quietly.

Kili nods and stretches. “One condition, pretty boy.”

“What’s that?”

“You come to bed with me.”

“Deal.”

**Author's Note:**

> ****Edit
> 
> Please be aware, more of this fic will be coming! Probably just in separate parts since I'm not a huge fan of changing something to chapters after it's already posted! Subscribe or whatever if you're interested! Thanks for all the positive feedback, it's definitely at least 50% of why I'm gonna continue this one! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️


End file.
